Mar 11

Thoughts are sometimes dangerous. It stirs some deep seated feelings, unsettling me. Only when I am hurt I realize how dangerous the thought was. But by then, thought is out of my control and I cannot doctor it any more to lessen my hurt. So here is my advise to you: if you can suppress thoughts you fear may affect you in ways you don’t anticipate, do it. Those who feel this advise silly may also say that I am an individual who is too touchy. I leave that up to you to figure it.

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Mar 10

I need energy. May be, not too much. But enough to help me pull through this life. Do I sound like a cry-baby?

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Mar 09

He was already there at the cafe. Last time I met him was about a month ago. So I wondered what the urgency was all about! We met. He spoke most of the time. Towards the end, I had the chance to talk. Did I talk rude? I told him that he is killing himself. I asked him to quit from his current thoughts since I felt there is still enough time to do so. I advised him to pretend that he has no heart. But did he hear all that I said? I doubt. His mind was else where. All he had to tell me was about a woman’s picture! But I wonder how one could find so many meanings in a still picture! True, a picture can tell thousand words.

She was not wearing any bangles, but her bare hands are killing me. Her eye brows are lined but she does not wear an eye-liner. Her eyes are killing me. She looked straight in to the camera and right at me. Her looks are killing me. Her lips, not parted for a big smile, are pretty and precious. Those lips are poised to say something. Her words are killing me all the time….

Seeing many comments posted, I wonder. Was he right about all he said? And am I the one who failed to be close to reality?

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Mar 08

Many in India (not many men, who take politics to fill their pocket) are thrilled with the passage of Women’s Reservation Bill in the Rajya Sabha. Soon it will be tabled in Lok Sabha for vote. Great. But does more representation of women in the law-making process mean anything, when you come across this news?

Sushma Tiwari married a man named Prabhu Nochil in the year 2004. Few months later, her brother Dilip Tiwari and his friends killed Prabhu, Prabhu’s father and two children. Why didn’t Dilip kill his sister? Because, his pregnant sister was out, visiting someone, at the time of murder. Why did Dilip Tiwari do this crime? His family belongs to Tiwari where as Prabhu was an Ezhava from Kerala. Why does that matter? – don’t ask me because I give a damn to religion, caste etc. The Bombay High Court awarded death sentence to Dilip Tiwari and his friends. But last December, the Supreme Court of India reduced their sentence to 25 years in jail. What surprised me is the reasoning of the honorable judges behind their judgment!

It is a common experience that when the younger sister commits something unusual, and in this case it was an intercaste, inter-community marriage out of [a] secret love affair, then in society it is the elder brother who justifiably or otherwise is held responsible for not stopping such [an] affair. … If he became the victim of his wrong but genuine caste consideration, it would not justify the death sentence.” It also added: “If he became the victim of his wrong but genuine caste considerations, it would not justify the death sentence… The vicious grip of the caste, community, religion, though totally unjustified, is a stark reality.”

I am not in favor of capital punishment. I believe a human has no right to kill another human. Period. But if Dilip Tiwari and his friends are guilty, why can’t they be sentenced to jail till they die of natural death?

To read more about Sushama Tiwari’s response, click here.

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Mar 08

Mind … so complex

By jay Personal Comments Off

pinneyum pinneyum aaro kinaavinte
padi kadanethunna padha niswanam
pinneyum pinneyum aaro nilaavathu
pon venu oothunna mridhu manthranam
… … … …
mizhikalil kurukunna pranayamaam praavinte
chirakukal melle pidanjathaavaam
… … … …
arum kothikkunnoraal vannu cherumennaaro
swakaryam paranjathavam
… … … …

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Mar 06
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Mar 01
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 Rom rom tera naam pukare
 Ek hue din rain hamare
 Humse hum hi cheen gaye hain
 Jabse dekhein nain tihare
 Teri kaali akhiyon se jind meri jaage
 Dhadkan se tej daudoon sapnon se aage
 Ab jaan loot jaaye
 Yeh jahan choot jaaye
 Sang pyar rahe main rahoon na rahoon
 Saanjana…..
 Saanson se dil sil gaye
 Palkon mein chhupa loon
 Seene mein sama loon
 Mere ang ang rang mera bole

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Feb 28
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She got the window seat in the train. None around to take up other seats around. She wanted a break, and so decided to visit her parents. Train left the platform. It is now moving fast.

Does one want a stagnant life, devoid of changes and possibilities? Well, some might want to freeze their lives if they ever felt at some point that it was just a picture perfect! Although writing all this down was not her passion, it was almost like a curse. But instead of crying them out, she wrote them down … She took them out. She looked at them. She didn’t cry. She tore all those papers into pieces … pieces really small … smaller than the writings themselves … but carried meanings heavier than the heavy heart she carried in her bosom.

She dropped her pieces of sorrow into strangers’ land. Nobody would get to read it or would get to know it. It was enough for her to know it herself. Writing it down helped her knowing herself. She didn’t mind if she slipped over some tenses and missed out some punctuations.. She longed for no accolades, whatsoever. Hence she threw them into space… forever.

Although letting those pieces fly away was not so easy, specially when each piece is associated with a part of her memory… a part of her life and existence… But they had to be done, sooner or later. Regretting later was immaterial, regretting ever was immaterial… regretting ever for anything was immaterial. All that mattered was how she looked into herself, how she looks to herself, how she looks at herself and how she looks upon herself… Looking herself over others was also meaningless… the bits had flown far… They would not return. But yes, she clenched in her fist tightly some bits, until the bits got dirty and began to tear off… Let go… Let go…

Oh! She didn’t expect. She is no more alone in her journey. He came and occupied the seat opposite to hers. “I saw you littering…It is not safe to put hands out.” – he said. She didn’t respond. He took out couple of magazines from his bag. “Would like to read any to kill the time?” – he asked. “No thanks” – she said.

Train came to a halt at the next station. “I am getting down to get a coffee. Would you like to get something?”, he asked. “I’ll have a coffee too” – she said. ….

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Feb 27

Dialogue of the Deaf

By jay Uncategorized No Comments »

Few days ago India talked to Pakistan – a country that cannot be described as a composite nation-state in the conventional sense. When it comes to issues pertaining to India, Pakistan can easily be divided into five segments – (1) the army, which controls Pakistan’s political, economic and military destiny whether formally in power or nominally in the barracks (2) the ISI, the all-encompassing superpower in the Pakistani establishment, which functions as a state within the state (3) its civilian Government, an insecure entity that has little popular legitimacy, is powerless against the Army and the ISI and hopelessly divided within (4) the Jihadi groups, both overground and underground and finally (5) a small, elite civil society comprising well-heeled, English-educated socialites, more comfortable waxing eloquent on Indian TV channels when they are not busy sojourning in London. Each is at loggerheads with the other. Only time they fuse into a collective entity is when Pakistan is at war with India.

Given the above, was there a need for India to talk to one-fifth of Pakistan – the civilian Government? Talks should not have happened at the first place, especially when the latter has not taken any concrete steps to punish those involved in 26/11 terror attack. And as all expected, there wasn’t any outcome worth to mention.

Here is what one newspaper wrote about the concluded talk: Watching from the sidelines, the entire drama that played out seemed surreal. It was like a neighbor walking into your house saying “You have a lovely lawn. Give it to me.” You refuse. He slaps you hard and keeps assaulting or insulting you endlessly. Finally, you get so scared you invite him over for tea. He walks in, reiterates his claim and adds a few more items to his wish-list. He has, meanwhile, mobilized the local goonda who stands guard, intimidating you further. Obviously you can’t accept the preposterous demands. So he slaps you again and walks out threatening more violence. You cower into a corner, tremulously awaiting the next assault!

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Feb 25
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Today was extremely weird, in terms of emotional feeling. Never thought someone’s inaction can evoke such strong emotions within me! I misjudged – completely.

When cornered, I responded. And I did it in a serious way. I didn’t think much, other than prove my case. But now, there is a feeling within me that tells – it wasn’t right. Having to review the validity of the actions already done – not a pleasant exercise, at least for me. But I have no other options. I wonder why certain things are the way they are! I guess certain things in life never have an answer.

So the best I hope for is my inquietude to settle. But how?

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